Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Slacking...

November. Two weeks to exams. It's the mugging season in NTU again.

"Mugging"? Doesn't it mean "an assault or threat of violence upon a person, especially with intent to rob"? Well, it seems that the creativity of the people here gave it a new meaning: to study intensely before exam. Some googling showed that a more correct term should be "mugging up". Oh well.

Anyway, I haven't gone into exam study mode yet. Still slacking around, disturbing those who are studying... until I myself can't stand my slackness. Compared to previous years, it seems that time flies faster this semester. Too many things going on at the same time. I have been slow in warming up for this semester.

I found myself making fun of people that study in their free time, i.e. muggers, "Get a life, man!" Ironically, perhaps, when it comes to stress, I am one of the most stressed out persons around, mostly because of putting things off to the last minute. Is it because I can't work without some stress?

I think my style of studying hasn't changed much from my secondary school days. Miss out doing homeworks; do nothing related to my study most of the time; only start studying two days, or even on the night before any test.

Prioritizing and time management is one of my biggest weakness. Not only in study, but in other things as well, like being late for lunch, for class, for church... while being punctual for trivial things like gatherings, when most of the people arriving late instead...

Oops, I am late for lunch with Fuda... again....

Fingers and keyboard

Basically, this post is related to my last post, that is, about writing. However, this post will be focusing more on blogging.

Blog about blogging. Yeah, I find it strange. In fact, I had written a number of times before about my blogging. I hope this will be the last time I am repeating this.

After 2 years of blogging, I am still struggling to update this blog more often. It's actually out of laziness rather than having nothing to write about. I should have made use of the amazing save draft function on blogger. I have so many topics and ideas to write about. Now thinking if I should go and clear this backlog of topics, and in what order I should write about them.

Some people commented that they don't see a reason behind blog writing. Yeah, why would people write personal stuffs online for the whole world to read? For me, I think that it's a channel to express myself when I can't in this people-are-ever-busying world. It's also a way to solicit views and responses that I might not come around in real life.

I don't know how many of my friends regularly check out what I'd written here. I really want to know who has read what I had written.

Some of the reasons people don't read my blog (this are just my speculations):

• Lack of updates. People are tired of waiting for my updates.
• Not interesting. Boring topics that only Joshua enjoys writing about.
• Long and long-windedness. Some people find it tiresome to read my blog.
• English. Yep, some people may find it apprehensive to read my blog since I write mainly in English. I enjoy writing in English, and I have the confidence to express myself in English.

...

So... for those who have anything to say after reading my posts, please don't hesistate to leave a comment, OK? C'mon, shoot whatever you want... Just a few minutes of your time...

Speechless

"Hey, I saw your blog! Really different."

"Different?"

"You don't talk much, but you can articulate in your blog."

...

It is true that I communicate better by writing. I think it's because I need thinking time. When people ask me about my opinion on something, I really take time to think, how to say this, how to phrase it in a way that it is acceptable... usually, the meeting would have long been over by the time I got something in my mind... Writing, on the other hand, doesn't need "instantaneous" response, so I can take my own sweet time, especially when writing on my own blog. I can spend hours and hours working on a blog post.

But someone beg to differ that I "don't talk much". I think it is when discussing topics that require less thinking, i.e. lame jokes by professors, the funny Japanese class sensei...

On a side note: this year, I took up a writing position for the Student's Union newsletter. Obviously, it's for HAS points (no 5 points = no room). I'm no big fan of SU and the Tribune. People aren't surprised that I am writing for the Tribune: "You really look like the writing type of person."

Now thinking back, if the interview was based on the speaking part only, I would have failed miserably. I wasn't there for the news writer position. I was vying for some copy editing job. But then, when they asked me if I am interested in writing news, I answered yes, even when I was not really into it.

I spent my whole day thinking and refining this post. If only I could think faster...

2009-09-30T23:59+08:00

Oops, another "last minute post"... because I am writing this at the last minute of September 2009... just not to deprive September 2009 of a blog post...

Almost two months since my last post... so many things had happened... I have so much to write, so much to say... but I don't know how to begin...

Maybe a short update?

Finally it's recess week! Well, some of my fellow Malaysian friends stay back in NTU during this break. As usual, I came home to see everyone and everything I've been missing during the past two months. This week would come to an end soon, with two(!) tests coming up on Monday and one on Wednesday, which I haven't started preparing yet, and a lab report (proforma type, but still a lot of writing required) due on Friday.

Yikes! I am still enjoying the sound system of the desktop PC at home... lalala~~~

A different holiday

After a two-week not-really-a-holiday trip home, I am back in Singapore, at my uncle's place pending the move back into the campus. As I don't have a hall at the moment, I temporarily shifted out of the campus to here. After all, I have a standing invitation from my uncle to stay over on weekends, which I rarely used.

One of the things I planned to do back home was to pay my critically-ill uncle a visit (I had written before that he had a stroke, which was later diagnosed as terminal cancer). What I didn't know was that it was actually on his deathbed. He expired in the wee hours the following day I visited him at the hospital. Though not really close to him, he was someone I had seen quite often since young. I was saddened by the loss of a family member, and sympathize his eight-year-old son, who smiled and played around as relatives poured into the house, and seemed knowing nothing about what had happened. On a lighter note, I felt blessed that my family is financially more sound, and we didn't go through the pain and trauma they went through for four months, though we experienced the same loss four years ago.

On the other hand, I was drafted by my mum to help at her kindergarten as a relief teacher, in order to free up her teaching time and enable her to focus on the preparation for the upcoming annual concert. Controlling a class (sometimes two) of 5 or 6-year-olds is harder than I had imagined. Is it because I am (or look) relatively tame compared to the other teachers?

I also realized that my mum's job is not as easy as it seems from the surface, and she does it just for my brothers and me. Someone asked me once about my reason to continue studying, which I answered quite implicitly "to further my knowledge". Now, apart from that, I would answer: to get the degree I am pursuing, because I cannot disappoint her.

Life's Brief Candle

Friday, I saw the workers mowing the grass right beneath my window, thinking that I will be a good idea to mow the grass over here as well. I hope the grass isn't tall enough to warrant the use of a parang (for my newer readers, see here if u don't get what I mean). Well, I procrastinated again... I only started writing now. In fact, I have many to write about, but I kept pushing and pushing it later... until I am not sure what to write first.

Procrastination is one of my biggest weaknesses. One of the more pressing issues now, my accomodations arrangements in Singapore (I didn't get a hall for the next sem... yet), I did something only when someone pushed me as if it's she that didn't get a place, even that it took me more than a week to do something as simple as asking a question.

I procrastinate on my studies as well. I only study when it is nearing exam time, sometimes only starting on the night before the exam itself. Frankly, I don't like doing homeworks. While I was in my primary and secondary days, I regularly snowballed my homeworks year after year. Now thinking back, I think my UPSR was saved by my mum who literally forced me to complete all homeworks that I missed that year, after receiving complaints and complaints from my class teachers.

The trend continues into uni as well. During school terms, I didn't bother to complete tutorials, saved for the Japanese modules and MB101 Accounting. I started preparing for exam long after everyone else had started. Some people would say "whoa, you so smart, don't need to study also can get A", I actually don't feel good when anyone makes such a comment. It was God that helped me or sheer luck, I think. Even the summer research report I am supposed to working on now, I only finished the cover page. I spend the past few days reorganizing and rewriting my laboratory records, which should have been done over the last two months. I have yet to complete the presentation slides due on Monday.

I wanted to end this post on a lighter tone, but I can't.

明日复明日，
明日何其多？
日日待明日，
万事成蹉跎。

Welcome!

Hi, welcome to my new place!

Been thinking of shifting over to blogger. Why? Well, blogger just looks nicer, since I mainly write in English, and easier to manage. The old place insistence of specifying the post's category drives me crazy....

The old place's export format isn't compatible with blogger. So, in the spirit of keeping my blog in one piece, I painstakingly copied and pasted all blog articles and comments. You can find everything that was posted over the past two years here. Yahoo! (oops, should be "Google!") Not like anyone would care though =p

I will be updating next time. Enjoy!

Summer research and summer villa

It's been one week after my exams. Last year, after finishing exams and the entrepreneurship classes, I spent about 1.5 months at home, which was super BORING. So this year, I decided to find something to do during the 3 months break, as well as to avoid being called up for KS (Kindergarten Service).

After spending 3 days back home in KL, I came back to NTU to start my summer lab research programme. Someone said that it isn't worth spending so much time to get the 4 AUs, but I am looking beyond that. Since Year 1, I have heard about that joining summer research is a good way to learn about the various experimental techniques, as well as to explore my interest in doing research. I am quite slow when it comes to lab classes (thanks Ming Jun for helping me to clean up twice in a row...), and this is a perfect chance to brush up my lab skills.

Thanks to YOG, NTU is chasing people out of the halls. As for now, Hall 9 is practically dead. As Canteen 9 is closing for the whole month starting Monday, only the noodles stall was open on Saturday and Sunday (ugh). Workers have started to remove furniture from empty rooms. Philip had already moved his things back home. As for me, I will have to move to Hall 6. Actually, my room had just been repainted last year, during which I was required to shift to another block. What I don't really understand is that they painted the walls outside the room just last year, and they painted it again in January and February this year.

Anyway, today will most likely be the last day I will be staying in my room for almost 2 years; I applied to stay in Hall 11 for the coming year to gain the additional 1 point. Even if I get back Hall 9, I doubt that they will give me back this room. Goodbye, my dear room!

4th weblog for HW102A - reflections

Last Friday, I learnt about reflective writing. Reflection is standing at the present, and looking back to the past as well as looking forward to the future. Basically, writing a reflection is asking oneself three questions:
1. What happened? (the past)
2. What can I learn from this experience? (the present)
3. How can I apply this to the future? (the future)

From the lesson, I realized that the reflective component is the most important part of reflective writing. This is the reason it is called "reflective writing", not "descriptive writing". Most of the time, I focused on describing rather than reflecting what had happened. As I can see from my personal blog, as well as my friends’ blog, I found that readers are more likely to respond to reflective posts rather than descriptive posts. I think this is because they are more interested in what I am thinking rather than what I had done. I realized it applies to academic reflective writing as well.

“An unexamined life is not worth living” (Socrates). Therefore, I will need to reflect and learn from my past mistakes, and apply what I had learnt to avoid making the same mistakes again.

Out of control

March 2009 is not a particularly good month for me.

OK, firstly: it's not about tests and assignments, these are still within my limit of control; what really troubles me is things beyond my control.

March 2, Monday: First day of school after recess. The stabbing incident on campus. I will not elaborate on the "official" account and the media reports; there are also competing theories that challenge the "official" account . There is even a facebook group dedicated to find out the truth. Then, on Friday, suicide case. There are rumours that these two cases are somehow linked. What really happens is still a mystery. Anyway, the cases are still "under police investigation".

March 7, Saturday night: No church service. At 7.45 pm, I called my brother, who was NS-ing in Kuala Kangsar. I called him to check on the condition of his injured hand. We talked happily for half an hour. A few hours later, mum SMSed me: my brother was in hospital because of high fever. That was his third injury/illness while in NS; this time mere days before completing NS. It really troubled me; thank God that he was alright by the next day.

March 12, Thursday: Release of SPM results. I called my brother, who was at home for the 2nd day after NS, to ask about his results. My heart sanked; his results are not good. He barely passed his Malay and Moral. The fact that he passed Malay is already considered some sort of a blessing. Of these incidents, this is the one that I most regret of; I could have done something to help him, but I've barely done anything.

March 16, Monday: An ordinary school day, and start of the Malaysian one-week school holiday. Mum was in China. She SMSed me and asked me to call Uncle 1 in Singapore. Apparently someone in my family was not in good condition. I called my uncle, and he told me a shocking news: Uncle 4 who lives in KL suffered a stroke the last Monday. The right side of his body is paralyzed. His only son is only eight years old this year. According to my brother on Tuesday (March 24), Uncle 4 is still in hospital.

That's all for this emo blog. Time to go to bed, and to live out the last seven days of March 2009.


Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
-- Psalm 31:5

March-ing onwards

The much-awaited break (at least for me) had come to an end. Got to go back home and really chilled for a week: sleeping, eating (I started to miss all the good foods!!!), online-ing, watching TV... Well, a bit too relaxed... Didn't even touch the heavy Quantitative Chemical Analysis that I brought home, let alone the lab report and the HP802 assignment.

Really need to march on... or, maybe, run... I am falling behind...

Love · 爱

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
It does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, always perseveres.

---

爱 是 恒 久 忍 耐 ， 又 有 恩 慈 ； 爱 是 不 嫉 妒 ；
爱 是 不 自 夸 ， 不 张 狂 ，
不 做 害 羞 的 事 ， 不 求 自 己 的 益 处 ，
不 轻 易 发 怒 ， 不 计 算 人 的 恶 ，
不 喜 欢 不 义 ， 只 喜 欢 真 理 ；
凡 事 包 容 ， 凡 事 相 信 ，
凡 事 盼 望 ， 凡 事 忍 耐 。

Green...

Had been studying Green Chemistry all afternoon (then had a unscheduled break whole night) to prepare for the 1st midterm of the semester later in the afternoon. I pray that I will remember how to calculate all those atom economy, E-factor, EMY, 做 the process flow sheet, all those routines and catalysis... Still feel very unprepared after studying, or rather just skimming thru, the notes for the whole afternoon...

Valentine's coming on Saturday. No special plan on how to spend the day except for my usual Saturday routine. Perhaps will dress nicer on that day (which I always did), but with no special meaning. I am still GREEN, OK?

About her... I knew her since my secondary school days. I love to spend much time with her, in real life or otherwise. People may suggest that we are more than just friends, but I know we are just friends. Close friends maybe, but not more than usual definition of "friends". About the prospective of a relationship, I know, and understand that she is not prepared for one. And I won't start it with her, because I can't afford to lose a friend like her. I am still fresh and green, waiting for someone to appear in my life...

OK, time to rest. Today will be a green and pleasant day.

A new start... and stricken

OK, this is my first blog for year 2009 and my 4th semester in NTU.

This semester is going to be different: no Japanese class because of exam time clash (sigh... I prioritized the other module, since it is my major concentration module, in addition the concentration was left with only one step to completion), two modules that requires assignments to be handed in, formal lab reports (!) that must be completed within a week...

I fell sick right on the first week of school. It was a Thursday, which I didn't have class on the first week. I suddenly felt unwell just before lunch. At first it was feverish, then I started to get very tired and dizzy. A bad diarrhea soon followed (once every hour since midnight). I was diagnosed with gastric flu (viral infection of the digestive tract).

Being sick sucks. There was a constant pain in the stomach. I couldn't eat or drink properly (once crossed a threshold, vomiting follows), nor do I have the appetite to eat. I spent whole day sleeping on the first few days. Felt that there's a lot of things that need to be done, but couldn't bring myself to do them.

Thank God it's over. Thank God that it happened before CNY (then I can eat whatever I want during new year!). Thanks everyone that showed concern and gave support during this ordeal, especially those who kept me in prayer! I love you all!

P/S: I feel chilly whenever I am outside of my room these few nights. Is it just me? Can someone verify this?